Bees may be Elephant repelent

This was a headline (albeit on the back page) in today’s local news paper, a paper that is published in the middle of North Carolina! Still, never one to look a gift bee in the mouth or whatever it is that they have, I considered the advantages to be gained from this new found knowledge.

The next time you are being attacked by a rampaging elephant, just grab a handy bee and flourish it before said elephant at which point the charging beast will swerve aside and crush the poor sap next to you who was not in possession of this valuable knowledge.

Now if you are like me (IE. Not a bee keeper) you are probably not surrounded by bees every waking moment. No problem, just keep a small collection of bees handy in your pocket. Don’t worry too much about the stings every time you forget they are there and put your hand in your pocket. I understand you don’t really notice them after the first couple of hundred or so. Unless you are allergic to bee stings in which case I’d just go for being trampled by the elephant.

The upside to having all these bees handy is of course a supply of fresh, if somewhat pocket lint laden, honey. The down side is that now you may be attacked by bears that are after the honey and since it’s in your pocket versus being half way up a tree, the bears are going to go for you first.

At this point you are a goner since your choices are being eaten by the bear, or discard your bee and honey laden jacket and be trampled by a rampaging pachyderm.

Personally I think I’ll just stay indoors then next time I see an elephant coming down the street.

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