Archive for the ‘humour’ Category

I told you…

September 5, 2014

The invite said ‘informal’ but would you listen?….

Penquins

 

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Some pictures I found (and doctored!)..

June 20, 2014

Jump

OneTheWall

Scratch & Sniff…

January 22, 2014

Scratch and sniff jeans (as described here) might seem like a novel (if stupid) idea but let’s face it, anyone with hemorrhoids and a bad case of the runs has probably already experienced this. Just ask them how well it worked out!

But what if I have 10 elephants…?

January 3, 2014

I was channel surfing the TV last night and happened upon an episode of “How it’s Made” where they were describing the construction of wrecker trucks, the sort that recover overturned trucks etc on the highway. The section in question was talking about the boom for the crane jib and they described it’s lifting capacity as ‘nine elephants’ which is fine if you know what an elephant weights. More importantly though is what sort of elephant are we taking about here, Indian, African, pigmy, adult or juvenile, male or female and as the title of this post says, what if my truck weighs 10 elephants.

I have to admit that I have not noticed any placards on trucks expressing their weight in elephants but it must be there, otherwise why mention it on the show. You can imagine the conversation:

Hello, operator? I’ve crashed my truck and need a wrecker.

Certainly sir, how many elephants is your truck?

Elephants? It’s a ***** truck, not a circus.

I know sir but we have to know how many elephants it is to send out a wrecker of the correct lifting capacity.

I don’t know, ten!

I’m sorry sir, our wreckers only go up to nine elephants.

What am I supposed to do then?

Have you tried AAA.

elephant

Republicans vs Democrats…

December 16, 2013

REpublicansVsDemocrats

America vs Canada…

December 16, 2013

America vs Canada

Men vs Women…

December 15, 2013

MenVsWomen

Apple vs Microsoft…

December 15, 2013

AppleVsMicrosoft

Dogs vs Cats…

December 14, 2013

More search engine auto complete fun…

 

DogsVsCats

Google vs Bing…

December 13, 2013

After reading this post I decided to have some fun with search engine auto complete. First up Google and Bing…

GoogleIs

BingIs

It must be nice…

December 13, 2013

To have a memory…

GoogleRememberingMandelaI can’t remember where I put my glassesĀ  most of the time (no disrespect intended to a great man, I just thought the byline on today’s Google page might have been worded slightly better).

Is Google run by Aliens…

December 11, 2013

In the TV series ‘V‘, the aliens used a form of energy called ‘Blue Energy’ that they ultimately gave to the human race.

When their leader (Anna) was asked why she had given us the Blue Energy she said that it was so that we (the human race) would be become dependent upon it and since they (the aliens) controlled it, we would be effectively in their power and dependent on them for it.

If you read this article by Robert X Cringely, you’ll see where I am going with this as someone that relied upon being high in the Google search results to run their business suddenly found themselves excommunicated as it were and thus unable to operate. We have all become very dependent upon the Google search engine, almost to the point that we have almost forgotten that there are actually other, albeit no so convenient, ways to find things out. So all it takes is for Google to turn off the tap so to speak and we are helpless. OK, I know in reality that someone else with an equally daft name will probably step up and take over if that were ever to happen but my point is that in many ways we really have become too dependent upon the search giant and that perhaps Google really is the ‘Blue energy’ of our age.

V

Anyway, I’m off now before Google removes my blog from their search results and I get even fewer readers than I already do!

For the woman in your life…

December 5, 2013

HammerAndScrewDriverSet

JCVD Not…

November 25, 2013

I was impressed by Jean Claude Van Damme in this post https://branchonmaybe.wordpress.com/2013/11/17/aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnndddddd-stretch/

Then I saw this, just made me laugh:

JCVD_Not

 

Why would I want…

September 7, 2013

A severe weather app?

SevereWeatherApp

Isn’t the weather bad enough already without needing an app to make more?

Heard on TV…

August 12, 2013

In reference to a ready made meal that was being advertized… “Naturally frozen meal”!

The only “naturally frozen meal” I could think of was a week old dead Penguin on the Polar Bear buffet!

 

Crackers…

July 27, 2013

A few weeks ago my wife lost the backing off one of her diamond earrings (but thankfully not the ear ring).

While she waiting for the jeweler to make a new back, she’s been wearing a pair that the kid got in a Christmas Cracker!

ChristmasCrackers

When she went to the jewelers today to pick up the new back she said “do you like these?” and he said “they look a bit dull, want me to clean them?” LOL!

Pass the bottle…

June 15, 2013

The Craigslist ad said “Spirit filled keyboard player wanted” so I thought, “wow, that’s me” but no, it’s a church.

Dang!

All the right notes…

May 14, 2013

If you’ve ever wondered where the sub title of my blog (“All the right instructions, but not necessarily in the right order”) comes from, this may help…

Dilbert, eat your heart out…!

May 13, 2013

MrMeansGuideToManagement

My next reading book…!